The last posts (over a year ago) from Ajay and me reveal turmoil with a layer of hope. I'm very sad to report that the turmoil only worsened and our mutual hope is gone. Our marriage has apparently been dissolving for a long time, and now steps are being taken to dissolve the legal partnership as well. The kids have been sharing time with us separately since mid-summer.
I can't begin to tell you how sad this is for me. I know that we both still love each other, but I also know that we have not been able to solve problems or deal with new ones productively for too long now. As such, I am sadly confident that there is no other choice left to us than the path currently being trod.
There's not much more to say about it other than that I've transferred my determination from working hard to grow a happy, healthy together family, to facilitating a happy, healthy apart family. I am completely dedicated to learning from what happened to us and growing into a better person because of it. My greatest desire at this moment is that all of us make it through this divorce with grace and appreciation for what we can create now - in clear distinction from the turmoil of the past.
Aside from the confusion and sadness of having their parents decidedly split up (and continued instability in housing) I'd say that Tara, Violet and Satya had an otherwise fabulous summer (as it should be, and somewhat as testament to our mutual focus on keeping the kids out of the middle), and I'd like to move this blog in that direction now...
It seems that summer around here started with Satya's birthday mid-May - one of the first days of the Pacific Northwest's drought of 2009. While I know the bioregion suffered from the lack of rain for the past three months, I have to admit that most of the inhabitants here did not: Thank Goodness it was an absolutely glorious summer here! Lots of time on the beach, overnight and day camps, lots of grandparent time, a few crabs and so far one 5 lb salmon (do you know what an incredibly patient and determined fisherman Satya is?), not to mention hours and hours really growing their friendships at Wise Acres. I'd say that they feel a part of that community now - not just newcomers anymore.
Satya was a stellar baseball player this spring - his second season of Little League. And brave Ajay - a man who knew less about baseball than me - volunteered to be Satya's team Assistant Coach - a golden gift to Satya who just loved having him there. Satya's birthday celebration was at a local baseball field with maybe 25 kids and grownups playing a pick up game with tennis balls. Lemonade, peanuts and peach cobbler kept then in extra innings. It was a relaxed and perfect start to the summer.
And a great diversion from school too.
After a stop-and-go start at a local democratic school this Fall (after learning on the first day of school that they had not gotten into the other program of choice), both Satya and Violet attended our local public school this past year. Now, keep in mind that before this they had experienced Waldorf pre-school and Kindergarten, a year in India, and a year of homeschooling. Traditional school was a brand new thing.
Violet chose it first and loved going. After school at home, Satya saw her learning to read (he literally craned his neck over her homework) and knew that he wanted that too - so he joined 2nd grade. Although he hated riding the bus (noise and distance quickly erased the adventure of it) and homework - Satya did great: he went in barely knowing how to read (Waldorf philosophy downplays early literacy training, encouraging it only when the child is wanting it), he came out reading the 4th Harry Potter book (over 700 pages!). Go Satya! We went to see the movie after that (as promised).
It is a joy to see both Satya and Violet curl up on their beds and read to their hearts content.
And Tara is not far behind. She turned 5 last week ice-skating with a few friends. She began all-day Kindergarten the very next day. It is fatiguing for her, but with care, I think she will make it through, but it will be much different for her than the nurturing, slow-paced Waldorf education that Satya and Violet started out with. She hopes to start gymnastics and violin lessons when schedules allow.
Violet continues to take on life with unbridled zeal. She is often under fire from Satya and Tara, but is navigating a path to independent joy. She loves jump-roping, horses, her kittens, our new dog, new friends, and whatever is served up for dinner. She is practically a registered dolphin and celebrated turning 7 in June with a mermaid party at the local pool. She is ready and waiting for piano lessons and I have a feeling that her stage performing skills will begin to come forward this year as well. She is a talented artist (even if she doesn't see it yet) and from appearances/verbalizations the one most emotionally affected by the breaking up of her family. She misses her room/our home/ our life in Davis. On wistful days, she'd like to go back. (In moving ahead with our joint plans to build a new family home here in WA, Ajay and i sold the home she and her siblings were born in.) On good days, she is thrilled to romp and imagine with her new friends here.
After many years waiting and searching, our new family dog, Lady, finally arrived (sadly, only days after our defining separation). She is a 40 lb cream colored Bouvier/Poodle mix - much like Mawball in appearance - but only half the size (and opposite color and gender). She is fabulous with the kids - couldn't have done better, and not very demanding at all. She's even beginning to get along with our two new kittens, Milo and River. Next goal is socializing appropriately with Indianola's beach dogs... I'll try to find the cord to upload a photo ...
There are still many details to work out, but stay tuned for the Prout and Advani Families, Version 2.0. I will try to revive my past inclinations towards occasional family updates.
In the meantime, I know that each of us will benefit from your good thoughts and prayers:
Please be in touch.
- Sara
